It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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