On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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