We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
