Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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