I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
