If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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