frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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