he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
