I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We have so much sex to catch up on
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
