Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
