No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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