Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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