While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
