ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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