hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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