dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
