it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
