If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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