I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
