I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
