OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
