filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
