I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
send nudes
from the living room?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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