I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
