Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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