Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
