I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You're like the curious george of whores
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
