We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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