He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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