That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
