guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
