I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
