that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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