You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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