Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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