Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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