I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
