Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There are leaves in my underwear?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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