I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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