people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
