sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
