I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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