She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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