i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Someone signed my nipple.
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