Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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