tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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