apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
