So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
