Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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