Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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