He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
