Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
